We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
