sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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