my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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