I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
