I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
