I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
