I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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