dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
