Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
