I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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