Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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