Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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