I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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