Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
