yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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