Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
