Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
