just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Dicks are not precious.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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