i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
