is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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