I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
