Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
