you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
