they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
