I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
