i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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