out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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