i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
