Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
