If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
