he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
