He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
