so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
