i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
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