Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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