Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
