I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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