i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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