i jhust puked up my retainher.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
