Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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