update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
