There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
