I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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