And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
