So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
you never un-have a 4some
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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