Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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