Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
