How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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