I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
