Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
