thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
