I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
