i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
