dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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