**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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