you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
