Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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