you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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