After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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